Monday, October 24, 2011

Drama Queen...

I called my rheumy today about trying Benlysta, I had been hearing great things from fellow lupies.  I have no clue why I got my hopes up thinking maybe this would be my savior.  I thought maybe now I will get my life back, feel like me again.  I was so positive and it was going to work for me.  My call back was a no, it is not appropriate for me due to my disease manifestations.  Meaning, I am not sick enough via blood work or this is what I take as the meaning.  I have been on prednisone going on two years and I have gone up and down, usually on purpose and a couple of times by mistake.  Lupus brain fog.  I am taking this badly I am being such a drama queen.  Why am I so upset over a drug I never tried, and I don't even know if it would even work for me??  For some reason (due to my prednisone use) my blood work does not correlate to how I feel.  My blood work looks good because I upped my prednisone to 20mg before my blood test by mistake, and I felt great for a week or so.  Sometime I think I have more than just lupus, there has to be more wrong with me.  I'll go into my rheumy and tell him, I have these symptoms I have more than lupus.  Well, these are all lupus symptoms, I know.  I am just a pain in the butt to my doctor, I know I am.  I don't listen so well but I want magical treatment with no bad side effects and I want to pretend that I am not sick someone else is.  Who me no, I am not weak, I am strong.  Whatever, I am being a drama queen a lot of people cannot take benlysta.  I guess I should be thankful I am not sicker than I already am.  I am just confused!!

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