Thursday, November 3, 2011

over did it...

I did way too much for me today, I know for a normal person it was not much but it hurt me.  I cleaned out one closet, some of the three drawers, and most of my mud room.  I could only finish the closet, and was feeling too nauseous, tired, dizzy and in way too much pain to finish anything else.  I don't know if you clean like me but I cannot stick to just one area, I move around.  I was cleaning the coat/shoe closet and my mud room obviously has shoes and coats in it also so, I had to go back and forth in between them to feel like all of the shoes and coats were sorted, and charity bags were full.  Since I have been so ill trying to get better, I have not been as diligent with organizing to say the least.  I hope I can move tomorrow because doing a job like that usually leaves me completely bed bound for a few days.  Every part of me hurts and my head just stop throbbing as bad as it was.  My back hurts worse than normal, for some reason people with lupus get this bad middle back pain no one can explain.  I am hot but on my heating pad, on pain medication, but still feeling bad.  I hear of some people with lupus being able to work and do so many things during their day, and I wonder why I am normally bed ridden.  Typing this is killing my hands and arms, it hurts to breathe, my ribs hurt, I have been getting stomach cramps for a few days (not period related, what TMI??).  I just want to know why it is so hard for me to do anything, why when I have plans I get nervous that I may not be able to go.  I get anxious about it, l hate being flaky, I hate letting people down especially the people I love.  I especially get angry when people take it personally when I cancel or cannot make it to a party, I am not intentionally getting too sick.  I do not enjoy missing out on family and friends events and lying in bed wishing a brief coma would come over me and allow me peace for a couple of days.  It is not fun being sick everyday, it is hard to tell when I actually have a flu because my lupus symptoms are so similar.  I am counting down the days to a cure but I probably wont have the right type of lupus to use it.  I am still very thankful for my many blessings, having a healthy husband and two healthy children is worth all of the suffering.  And if I can make a deal with god, that I do all of the suffer for them that would be great!!


  1. Hi Marissa.
    I am so sorry you are having a rough time. Hmm wish I knew what to say or a way to make it a bit easier. Hang in there and take it easy, sending hugs and heaps of happy thoughts.... 8-)

  2. Seek, thank you for your comment. I am doing a bit better today, just have to sit and rest. The cold is going to give me trouble. Thanks for the hugs and happy thoughts they must have worked. ;0)

  3. Hi Marissa, As a former clean-freak I could so relate to your blog...since my lupus dx I have to face the fact that I just cannot have my house as organized and clean as it use to be....this is tough for me and I repeatedly make the mistake of over-doing things and up with back pain, hand pain, well you know..and yep just like you said end up in bed for days!!! Hope you have a low-pain weekend, and I enjoy reading your blogs...sending gentle hugs

  4. lupysue, thanks for your response, I love to hear other peoples stories. I used to organize my house all the time before I got so sick 3 years ago. However, I was sick on and off for years and would have to not do as much as other times. I actually could go out yesterday the day after my cleaning/organizing. I think it maybe the antibiotics helping a little. I still had to rest a lot but I could get out of bed!! Of course I was and am in a ton of pain!! I hope you have a well feeling, ;ow pain weekend too! I am so happy you enjoy reading my blogs I so want to get the word out there to non lupies that the websites that say we can lead full lives are full of crap!!! It is a debilitating disease and how dare them minimize our suffering. Yet for other illnesses that I have like IC (bladder disease) it will say it is debilitating!!!! Well, lupus can kill me and has taken my life from me in so many ways. No wonder why people look at me after they have read about lupus they think I should be able to do every thing they do. I wish they would change the wording and explain how many medications we take a day, how sick we are, that we cannot go out into the sun, we do not have the energy to clean the house, go to work, play with our children. Some can yes, but a lot of us cannot! I wish the LFA would change their website. One minute a representative is on the news saying our drugs are harmful and we need better drug and we suffer so but then their website says we can lead normal active lives!!! Sorry I went off on a completely different subject. Anyway thanks for reading, I hope you continue and become a follower. Best wishes and gentle hugs.

  5. just found your blog and glad I did. Dx'd with SLE for 12+ yrs now and this post rings so true for me. I too get the wicked mid/upper back pain and rib pain that is excruciating when I over do it. I also have exercise intolerance (which for me is awful as oddly enough I love to exercise) and extreme sensitivity to light, sunlight, temperature and certain foods. I know the level of frustration you feel. thanks for sharing.

    1. Welcome!! I love to exercise too I would run every day and lift weights 3 times a week. I so miss it and do some walking when I can and I have nothing else to do. I am sorry you know my frustration I wish no one else did, I would rather suffer alone than have others have to go through this too. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. xo